i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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