You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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