Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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