you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
