We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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