remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
