it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
