thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
