Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
