they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
