none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
