We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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