I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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