I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
