I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
