think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
