I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
