he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
