Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize