Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
