the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
