apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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