no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
