i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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