ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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