i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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