i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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