First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When are your genitals available?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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