omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
