I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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