She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
