I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
