Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
