No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
