I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
