4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
