It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
