You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
