Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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