My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
