so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
