I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
