if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
