OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
