Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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