Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
