i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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