Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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