i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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