Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
