I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
