you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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