you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
