I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
two words...techno handjob
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
