wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
